The Juggling Act.

I've been thinking a lot lately about family. I'm currently reading a book called "The Feminine Mistake" which talks about the pitfalls involved in being a stay-at-home mother. I think I was about 15 or 16 when I decided that it was a ridiculous idea that women have to stay home with their children in order to raise a great family. Ever since then I've been plotting out my life to be that I can both work and be a mother.

When I've thought about this before all I had in mind was how unfulfilled I'd be if I wasn't able to work, but in reading this book I'm finding out that there's a little more at risk than an unsatisfying life. It turns out that it becomes much much harder for a woman to re-enter the workforce if she's taken even a couple of years off, and the effect it has on her earning power is pretty devastating, in that her pension after retirement will be significantly lower than if she'd kept working. The book emphasizes the risk involved in becoming economically dependent on another person (the husband) because nothing is concrete and he could very easily be around one day, and walk out the next, leaving you devastated and destitute. Or he could get injured or sick, etc. I completely agree. Over the years I've encountered a lot of women with no plans for a career of any sort, just thinking they'll get by until they can find a husband to take care of them. I, myself, had adopted that mindset when I was younger...I think it's a cultural thing. However, I've come to realize that based on my own persistently independent personality, I couldn't settle for such a huge dependency, especially seeing how my parents have dealt with money and jerked each other around with it. I knew I could never knowingly set myself up for that, no matter how much I believed my husband could be trusted. It's just too risky.

In fact, in planning for my upcoming marriage, I came to the decision a few months ago to have my lawyer draw up a pre-nuptial agreement. Jamie is in full support of this of course, which I take as a good sign haha. It seems the people who probably won't need pre-nups are the ones who get them, and the ones who really need them are probably too scared to ask their partner in the first place. I take it as an extremely good sign that Jamie and I can talk openly about taking this precaution against either one of us getting screwed in the case of a divorce. It definitely eases my mind.
But I have to admit that for some time I thought that getting a pre-nup was like going into the marriage anticipating divorce, like if it did occur it would be because it was like a self-fulfilled prophecy or something. I even hesitated to bring it up to Jamie at first because I thought he might see it that way, but neither of us feel that a divorce *will* occur, just that it's better to be prepared for the worst when it comes to such weighty matters as needing to split up the family assets.
Which brings me to another point that was brought up in the book and that I'd considered as a possibility before. In speaking of the "family assets" what exactly are we talking about? It occurred to me before that if the wife stays at home then the husband would feel that they were all his assets, since technically he is the one who earned them. This is something that I simply could not bear.
So I'm figuring out how exactly I can work and have everything stay running smoothly (or at least running ;P) To me, domestic chores are a real bother when there are other things to worry about like nurturing your children and keeping your relationship thriving. Apparently noone thanks you for it anyway, according to the belabored groans of most stay-at-home mothers. So I've decided to incorporate the concept of delegation. And I don't mean putting it all on my children like some parents do. I've looked up maid services and they're actually pretty affordable! I figure if she comes in about 3 times a week to do the maintenance jobs like vacuuming and bathroom chores and laundry then that will free up a lot of time to spend with the kids and Jamie, and running errands, although apparently I could even have the groceries delivered if we live in a city. Pretty amazing huh? So much for the stressed-out, overworked working mother. :D
See, I think that's where a lot of working women get hung up is the domestic chores because most of the time there's way more to be done than can be completed in the four or five hours they're home before going to bed. This way, I can get home and spend time with the kids, then fix dinner and do the dishes, and then spend more time with the kids before it's time to put them down for the night without any worries about what else might need to be done. Of course there will be other motherly duties like taking the kids to practice and tutoring or whatnot, but that'll be okay. Maybe I'll enjoy it!
Also, all this is assuming that there's no help from the husband, which, apparently is the case with a lot of famlies. But I have every reason to believe that Jamie will be one of the select few men who actually do care :D He's given me every indication that he will be as much of a help as possible. I plan to take him up on that too lol. So with his help everything will definitely run more smoothly. I'm pretty excited about the prospect of being a working mother. There's no reason it can't be done, or that it has to be excruciating. I just think mothers beat themselves up too much. I bet most just need to take a chill pill and realize how great everything really is about their lives and how well they're most likely actually doing. :)