Revival.

I've been doing some reading, and I found a little gem in my readings. See, I attribute my sense of loneliness and despair to the fact that I'm feeling a little useless lately. My job only requires me to work one day a week, so the rest of the week, while Jamie's at work I'm left entirely to my own devices. I feel like I'm frittering away time that could be used to do something productive. I tried to get a job back in November, but was told that the park was still processing applications from the summer. I wouldn't work anywhere in Mariposa either... it's just not a good place to be. Besides the risk of running into someone I loathe, it's just not an uplifting place to be. Everyone grows pot and uses, of course. It's a pretty low-income place where people with missing teeth is a really common sight. Now, I'm not against people without teeth necessarily, but like I said, not the most uplifting or inspiring of environments.
Anyway, so what's been nagging at me is that I need to be doing something to improve life, my own and others' so I want to volunteer, but I'm not sure exactly what way to volunteer that would do the most good. This question has been heckling me for awhile now. This brings me back to my reading. I found something that kind of spoke to me (which doesn't happen often these days) and it went something like this...in fact, I'll grab the book so it's verbatim. Here it is:
"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Howard Thurman (Source: What Would I Believe if I Didn't Believe Anything by Kent Ira Groff, 2004)
I read this today and it kind of struck me.
(It actually reminded me of something I read in another great book called "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert (2006) It's in part two, chapter 64, page 191 - 192. You'll have to get the book ( I highly recommend it) to appreciate exactly what she's talking about, (she is a very cute, funny author) but this is the important excerpt. (I just had a de ja vu by the way...weeeird!) This is what she says, quoting one of the key concepts she is learning: " 'God dwells within you, as you.' AS you.
If there is one holy truth of this Yoga, that line encapsulates it. God dwells within you as you yourself, exactly the way you are... We all seem to get this idea that, in order to be sacred, we have to make some massive, dramatic change of character, that we have to renounce our individuality." Now, I'm not necessarily looking for God, but it follows the same line of thought as te previous statement I included)
It struck me so much in fact that I decided to make a list of things that really make me feel alive. The list went something like this (but is not all-inclusive(or in order of importance)):
Dancing
Pets
Interacting with Children & Babies
Jamie
Friends
Working Outdoors
Music
Books

Somehow, I need to more fully pursue the things that I am missing from that list in order to feel more alive. I'd really like to radiate with life and exuberance, which is my idea of being "alive" i'd like to feel a sense of contentment and peace with life. I feel like I'm almost there, really. It wouldn't take a whole lot to feel all awake again. I have some very great things going for me which have helped to pull me out of my hopeless state. Yoga is one of them. Great books is another; I finally feel as though I am learning what I've been wanting to all my life! Music is another. The prospect of making new and better friends is another; I've been taking some steps to finding these people that I need in my life, and it feels great. The things I'm missing are Working Outdoors, Dancing, Pets, and Babies/Children. It's been awhile since I visited my siblings in Sacramento, and it's wearing on me. I miss them lots. But it's not just them. I need other children that I can help to fill that void. That would be the most fulfilling thing possible. Best scenario would be to tutor children in reading or math. That would be extremely fulfilling because I'd actually be doing two things: one, helping a child succeed; and two, proving to myself that I can actually tutor someone in math. The second would be a big one for me because math intimidated the heck out of me until I went to tutoring myself and was able to finally take Algebra (which, to my complete surprise and pride, I completed with an A grade.) So I'm thinking that that would be an excellent route to take for the boost I need. Another would be to care for infants. Whether paid or not, it would be amazing for me. I'm checking out some possible leads for this as we speak.
As for dancing, there's a studio not far from me that offers Ballet, Tap, Jazz and Hip Hop. What I'd really like is Ballroom, but I'll take what I can get. Actually, Tap would be a good precursor for Irish Step Dance, which is something I'd like to pursue at some point in the future :) Also Ballet might be really fun too. I've never taken it, but always entertained the idea.
So anyway, that's how things stand at the moment. I'm looking into anything that will help me feel nourished and revived.